101 Ways to Ruin Your Dignity
by Darkest-Doctor
Summary: Or: Why You Should've Just Made a Sandwich. Boredom is not a pleasant situation, and the Storm Hawks decide to beat it by paying a visit to Terra Cyclonia.


Turning away momentarily from my obsession with _Doctor Who_, I move onto _Storm Hawks_, a show that has consumed my mind with the brainworms. The idea came at around 1 AM last weekend and I couldn't stop giggling until I started to write it down. Here's another one of those stories that will be multi-chaptered until I run out of ideas.  
Don't worry,Anyone-Who-Cares: I'm working on the next chapter for _Point and Match_ and I hope it will be up within the next month. Until then: enjoy!  
And a big shout out goes to **DarlingTinaSheep** for betaing and catching all my verbage mistakes. Without you, I'd be commiting gramatical genocide on a small scale. The English Syntax thanks you.

Summary: Boredom is not a pleasant situation, and the Storm Hawks decide to beat it by paying a visit to Terra Cyclonia.  
Rating: T for Boyish Attitude and Sentence Enhancers  
Pairings: None in this chapter.  
Disclaimer: ...why do I even bother anymore? You all know I'm lying.

101 Ways to Ruin Your Dignity--Chapter 1  
Blame the Brainworms

Boredom is never something to be taken lightly, especially when one is a Sky Knight. Being specially trained warriors with access to all sorts of goodies like skimmers and crystals, it was a dire situation if a Sky Knight became truly, honestly bored. And when such a dire situation as being bored came around, dire things often happened. The Terra Tropica Incident of '78, a notorious hour in which seventeen bungalows were burnt to the ground and three chickens lost their lives, was the result of a Sky Knight named Terrence who was grounded with a broken leg for six weeks.

The last time the Dark Ace got bored…well, it's a safe assumption to make that Master Cyclonis will never leave her crystal lab door unlocked ever again.

"Aerrow, dude, I am so bored."

Which leads us into our current situation. The Storm Hawks had just suffered through a lengthy battle with the ever-hospitable Cyclonians, and Aerrow had decided a short break was in order after the repairs to the Condor were complete. Settling down for a long weekend of relaxing vacation time just west of Terra Obscuros sounded like a good idea at the time.

Unsurprisingly, sitting out in the middle of nowhere with little chance of an enemy encounter had left the Storm Hawks with very little to do. Finn's guitar has, mercifully, broken a string, and Aerrow and Junko ran out of fruit for target practice. Stork had momentarily ceased his eternal ranting of doom and destruction to succumb to the lull of activity, and even Piper had become sick of locking herself away in her room to study crystal combinations. Radarr was draped over the back of the sofa, tongue lolling dispassionately.

"I know, Finn," Aerrow said, finally responding to Finn's drawled remark. "Can anybody think of something to do?"

"We could always do some aerial training," Piper suggested, idly toying with her crystal pendant as she spoke.

"We did that for five hours yesterday," Finn replied.

"Hey, I know! I could go and make us some—"Junko began, only to be cut off by an emerald-tinted hand across his mouth.

"Stop right there," Stork hissed. "The last time you made something, I spent three weeks trying to get your food out of the air shafts. You are not allowed anywhere _near_ the kitchen or else we're all doomed."

The team let loose a collective sigh, dropping once again into a listless silence. This undesirable peace lasted all of two minutes.

"Oh, I have an idea!" Finn announced, jumping to his feet excitedly. "You're not going to like it at first, but hear me out!"

The marksman paused dramatically, making sure all eyes were locked on him before continuing.

"We raid Master Cyclonis' room!"

There was a half-second of silence before—

"Are you out of your mind?!"

"You've got brainworms, don't you? Oh GOD, he's got brainworms!"

"Haha, you're joking. Right?"

"I don't know…it actually sounds fun."

At this declaration, Piper wheeled about suddenly, staring at Aerrow with something akin to pure and utter shock.

"It sounds _fun_?" she repeated. "Aerrow, what is going through your head? You're supposed to be the rational one!"

"No, think about it," Aerrow reasoned. "This would be a great test of what we can really do! Imagine, sneaking into the Cyclonian Empire's fortress and leaving with some of Master Cyclonis' personal articles! Can you imagine how people would react?"

"Can you imagine how_ SHE_ will react!?" Piper demanded, looking quite ready to shake Aerrow wildly. "You're not talking about some rescue mission or a large-scale attack! You're talking about…about a panty raid!"

"People still do those?" Junko asked, confused. Stork muttered something about window bars.

"Come on Piper, think about how cool it'd be to have a piece of Cyclonis' stuff framed on our wall!" Finn coaxed. "We'd be legends!"

"It would be a huge morale boost," Piper grudgingly admitted, crossing her arms.

"I'm beginning to like the sound of this," Junko commented. "Really, could you imagine the look on their faces once they found out what we did?"

"We should totally leave a note," Finn added. "No! We should paint her room pink! That'd be so awesome!"

"You know that the second we come anywhere near Cyclonia that we'd probably be blasted to bits?" Stork said, attempting to remind the team of what would undoubtedly be in store for them. "We'd be doomed before we even touched terra."

"That's all the reassurance I need," Finn said, swinging an arm around the paranoid Merb amicably. "Aerrow, Piper, you in?"

"I'm in."

"I can't stop you, so I might as well make sure you don't get killed," Piper sighed, looking only half as exasperated as she sounded. The goofy grin widened on Finn's face, and he turned to face Junko.

"Do I even need to ask?"

"You bet I'm in!" The blond marksman raised his palm for a high-five, only to become quite familiar with the opposing wall after Junko's hand made contact.

"Stork, are you going to be okay with this?" Aerrow asked, noting the Merb's signature twitchy demeanor going into overtime.

"The way I see it, I only have two options," Stork said, ducking his head slightly as his eyes scanned the bridge windows suspiciously. "One: I can go with the rest of you and meet a horrible, flaming demise at the hands of the Cyclonians. Or two: I stay here and meet a messy, squishy fate at the ravaging, poison-drenched teeth of Terra Obscuros' Fennel Fliers."

"I'll take that as a yes," Piper said, taking a precautionary step back before Stork decided to further his rant on Fennel Fliers, whatever those were.

"Alright! Stork, set course for Cyclonia!" Aerrow ordered, shifting quickly into his leader mode. "Piper, find out the best way for us to get inside and to Master Cyclonis' quarters. Finn and Junko, start thinking on what we're going to do to her room. Let's do it!"

The Storm Hawks scrambled, eager to break the monotonous relaxation with their dangerous, if not nearly fatal, task. Aerrow smirked, almost sinister, as he imagined the reaction on Master Cyclonis' face.

..:(Ph34R):..

Dark Ace was ambling down the hallways of the Cyclonian headquarters, happily munching on a granola bar as he searched out some pitiful grunt he could use for target practice. It had been a quiet weekend; neither hide nor hair of the Storm Hawks had been seen and most of the larger projects of Master Cyclonis had been either destroyed by said squadron or put off for want of materials. All in all, it had been almost peaceful at the base.

"EEEEYAAAAAAAAAHH!!"

Like we said, almost.

Dark Ace froze, granola dropping gracelessly to the floor as he hand found the catch on his crystal sword. The scream had come from down the hallway, towards the right, right around Master Cyclonis' chambers.

Cursing vehemently, Dark Ace took off, shoving aside grunts and officers alike in his haste to reach his master's side. Very little could scare Cyclonis, and whatever was going on had to be devastating. Terrible images of a half-maimed girl clouded his mind as he dove over a group of peons hauling an enormous crate of crystals down the hall. Fully expecting the worst, Dark Ace skidded to a halt at Master Cyclonis' room, the door flung open wide…

…and was understandably confused at the utter lack of carnage before him. Master Cyclonis stood in the doorway, shoulders shaking out of shock or anger, as her left fist twitched with the strain of her clenching. Dark Ace paused, taking a few steps back hesitantly as he wondered if he should even consider asking what was wrong.

"Dark Ace." The ex-Sky Knight froze, flinching slightly. Busted.

"Yes, Master Cyclonis?" He knelt, hoping that the Murder-Maiming-Emasculating tone in her voice wasn't being directed towards him.

"What was the last intelligence report we had on the Storm Hawks?" the young dictator asked, her right hand reaching to steady the continued shaking in her left.

"Er…" Dark Ace scrambled for the information he had been given just this morning as he tried to ignore the urge to grab the nearest peon to use as a meat shield. "The Storm Hawks just recently left Terra Obscuros, but the scouts lost them in the fog."

"Lost them in the fog, hm?" Dark Ace vaguely wondered how badly he'd be punished for cutting a hole into the floor and jumping through.

"Yes, Master Cyclonis."

"Well, Dark Ace, I'd say that I found where they went."

Dark Ace leaned to the side, glancing around his master's legs into her room. It was a disaster area. The usual obsessive-compulsive cleanliness had been utterly shattered as robes and bodysuits were thrown carelessly around the floor and drawers had been turned upside down in random corners of the room. One wall had been splashed with still-drying fluorescent paint in a sickening pink shade and another wall had been defaced with the same ridiculously hued color.

"'All your underwear are belong to us'?" Dark Ace read aloud, musing quietly for a moment over the grammatical genocide. "'Signed the Storm Hawks'?"

"I don't see any underwear in my room. Do you, Dark Ace?"

"They're suicidal," Dark Ace remarked incredulously, finally rising to lean over Cyclonis' shoulder to further inspect the damage.

"Master Cyclonis! Are you al—"Ravess' inquiry melted into a scandalized scream as the perfectionist's eyes landed on the abomination of the color spectrum that was her boss' bedroom. Dark Ace glanced over his shoulder just in time to watch Snipe catch his sister as she fell unconscious, desperately repressing the chuckle that threatened to escape him at the violinist's moment of awkwardness.

"Ravess? Dark Ace, is Master Cyclonis okay?"

"I want all of our intelligence operations searching for the Storm Hawks," Cyclonis ground out, turning to face her subordinates with a murderous expression. "If their location isn't found in less than twenty-four hours, someone is going to get it."

Talons and peons scrambled, tripping over each other in their haste to escape from Master Cyclonis' wrath.

"Dark Ace, Snipe!" Cyclonis barked, turning her furious stare to her still-conscious elites. "Once the Talons return with the Storm Hawks whereabouts, I want you to wake up Ravess and come to the War Room. We have a retaliation to plan." With her hands making violent strangling motions in the air, Master Cyclonis stormed down the halls towards her crystal lab. Snipe glanced down at his sister, wondering briefly about what he should do before muttering something about a sandwich and dropping Ravess unceremoniously onto the floor. Dark Ace couldn't help himself.

"Ha! You totally deserved that, Ravess!"

..:(Ph34R):..

Fainting!Ravess amuses me.


End file.
